Originally posted on Totally Biased:

Justin sets aside more of his valuable time to do something he always loves to do: make even more people feel badly about themselves

I wish I didn’t have to keep doing it.

I wish people would just get the hint.

I wish a lot of things.

Mostly, I just wish death upon all the people around me who aren’t as smart as I am. And there’s a lot of them, as we learned last time around! Bearing that in mind, because there’s so many ingrates that need to be brought down a peg or two, or even just euthanized or aborted, I’ve decided to have another go at this and leave you guys with more literary gold.

Oh, no, dear reader, don’t even think about thanking me! It’s simply my duty to provide you with such wonderment, such amazement, such awe. That’s right, here’s more nonsense for you guys…

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Originally posted on Totally Biased:

Justin sets aside some of his valuable time to do something he always loves to do: make other people feel badly about themselves

After taking some time and reading through some of my previous pieces, namely the multiple occasions I’ve mused on customer service, the time I’ve spent belittling the intellectually inferior, and even the portion of my life I’ve spent catering to my own narcissism, you may think I’m a bit of a jerk, pig-headed, or just a plain old asshole. And you know something? You wouldn’t be entirely wrong…

But what you WOULD be wrong about, is assuming that I don’t like people. Maybe. Because deep down, there’s a sliver of my heart still beating strong. A minute trace of the fuzzy, warm, good-souled human being I used to be. A tiny speck that’s not cold, withered and decayed from working in retail and experiencing…

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Originally posted on Totally Biased:

A faithful and exciting reboot, despite being a bit of a hollow shell

It’s been a fairly epic summer for movies. First, we got the sci-fi masterpiece, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Next, it was the sword and sandal epic Hercules, a powerful showcase for the rock as a legitimate leading man. Following the Rock action vehicle was the magnificent new entry into the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the record-breaking Guardians of the Galaxy. And to finish us off in style, is the latest take on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And I’m here to say, it’s probably everything you were expecting. Maybe even a little more.

The Michael Bay produced film operates and moves like a typical Michael Bay action romp: it picks up momentum quickly, doesn’t like to let off the acceleration, and is an absolute orgasm to behold. It knows who its target…

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ashboyoyo:

HA! A must read!

Originally posted on Totally Biased:

Travis breaks down his Top 10 Hollywood Man Crushes… again

Roughly 13 months ago, Justin and I began to shoot the shit about starting our own website. It would be great. A ton of sports stuff, some top ten lists, and some great satire pieces. I will never forget where we were [driving to Justin's house, across from Lib's Ice Cream], and I revealed to Justin that I had this big plan for an article counting down my top five man crushes. 

I was certain he’d look at me like I was crazy, and what scared me the most, is how he didn’t bat an eyelash. It made it so much easier to jump in feet first, and work on our first major piece together. After posting the link to the walls of our friends from school, work, and anyone else who didn’t want to throw up after just…

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ashboyoyo:

HAHA! Funny, funny!

Originally posted on Totally Biased:

Justin breaks down his latest, and greatest, List of Guys He’d Go Gay For

I’m a very firm believer, now more than ever, that there comes a time in every man’s life, when he stops, takes a step back, and evaluates his entire life. Sometimes, it looks kosher. Other times, not so much. Call it a mid-life crisis, calling it maturing, call it whatever you want.

That being said, where the hell did I go wrong?!

I mean, really?! Writing about a bunch of hot celebrity guys?! This is REALLY what my life has come to?! I mean, it’s ME! I’m kind of a big deal! People know me! Such a storied, celebrated life I’ve lived, my multitude of heroic achievements, the friends and enemies I’ve made, but no… I wanna bang Chris Hemsworth and I want the whole, wide world to know! And at this point, I’m way…

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